Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
