and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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