I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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