Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
