What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
