uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
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