ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
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