the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
