Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
