Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
