frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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