She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
