We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
