I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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