The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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