this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
