Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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