I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Did we literally take a cab across the street
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
