I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
