talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
