These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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