distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
