I think I died a long time ago.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
