soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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