The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Randomize
