Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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