Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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