Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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