Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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