I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize