I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
