I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
