I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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