That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'm too high and old for this...
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
