remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
