went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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