My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Sober January is a disaster.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
