Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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