Yo dont text me then not text me
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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