Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
