is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
