Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
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