just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
