like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
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