fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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