It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize