When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
