his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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