Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
