Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
