Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize