OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
