haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
