Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
You've changed since you got that strap on
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