I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
