so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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