mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
