It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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