I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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