Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
