yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Randomize
