I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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